For most of my life I have always worried. I've written about this many times. But something that has occurred to me in the last couple years is that one thing I struggle with is anticipatory thoughts. What I mean is when I have something coming up in my life that I may have some worrying thoughts around, I tend to have a lot of thinking for many days in advance. I know this is my old self wanting to go over things again and again and again because I think it brings me comfort and makes me prepared.
But, at what point is that anticipatory thinking no longer healthy or helpful? What is most interesting is the events I play out in my mind are always worse than what actually happens in real life. I go through "the thing" and I tell myself "Oh, that wasn't nearly as bad". This happens to me over and over again. No matter how grounded I am in knowing that my thoughts are not reality but my reality is created by my thoughts, I can get lost in the woods and need to find my way back home.
So what do we do about these anticipatory thoughts? For me, having a deep knowing that my experience is created by my thinking and not about the "thing" that I'm having anticipatory thoughts about, is always key and I always go back to it. And when I do, I tend to start calming down. When we do nothing at all, our thinking naturally calms down and we come back to the present.
However, what we want to do, is create a lot more thinking which doesn't do us any good. We rehearse what we think we need to, we go over every detail, we analyze, we talk it through, we what if it to death. etc. In that moment we think we are doing good. We think we are helping ourselves. We think it's necessary to do those things because we care and want to be successful. Of course I worry because I care!" But when we already have too much thinking on our minds, having even more thinking is not the route out of the discontent and insecurity all that extra thinking creates.
What I have found is no matter how much anticipatory thinking I have, once I'm in "in the thing" or experiencing the thing I was having all that worried thinking about, all those feelings melt away and I'm present and focused on what I am doing. When I'm present and focused on what I'm doing, my mind can't have a bunch of extra thinking going on. I've had this happen so many times that sometimes I beat myself up for going back there. But I go back there much less often, it's less intense, and it doesn't take me as long to come out of it.
And you know what? All those circumstances that I thought were the "cause" of my anxiety and worry, no longer have that affect on me. I'm able to have those experiences and not be a mess or experience that fight or flight sense in my body. That, in and of itself, has been a huge gift. Now, I get to experience experiences and not just experience all the thinking I have in my head.
I'll leave you with this. Once you have a deep understanding that you feel your thinking in every moment of your life, your life will drastically change for the better. It will drastically change every area of your life without you "doing" anything. Our time is very precious and everything is trying to get our time and attention. How amazing it is that we don't have to do anything to feel joy, peace, and happiness. All we do need to do is understand we feel our thinking, not our circumstances.
Until next time,
Jackson Brown
Your thoughts are not reality but your reality is created by your thoughts
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